Made myself some sauteed kale for dinner with a rotisserie chicken that Eddie bought and then made some mashed potatoes. Total comfort food to go with the movies we were on a roll with. Way too many to name but every damn one was great.
This weekend was all about couple time. It’s funny. After 28 years together I feel, at times, all we do is hang with one another. Husbands now. And yet, we still seem to find new things to talk about. Shows to watch. Dreams to share. And yeah, I would like to have been outdoors this weekend, but it ended up being kind of dreamy perfect, with a few sad personal moments from last week sprinkled in, but overall pretty damn great. I’m left feeling kind of grateful for not just Eddie, but everyone who has befriended me as I reached out to a select group of them to help me shoulder some of my Nick grief privately. I’m lucky to have the support of these men and women in my life. I feel humbled even now thinking about that.
Then, of course, moments where I’d catch our youngest cat outdoors “in the wild.” Tongue hanging out being stupid cute.
It’s funny, this idea for a new tattoo kind of came to me last week. I even bought a book about the guy who I am thinking about having his portrait drawn on my leg with one of his quotes. Critically, Thoreau is kind of a dolt. But I like that about him. Maybe even the original millennial from the criticism I’ve read about him. And I love my Millenials, it’s just weird that public opinion is so negative sometimes about a sweeping group of people. Like Henry I suppose. Still, “America’s original nature boy” kind of speaks to me. Gay, introverted, bearded, loved the smell of men’s armpits, lived on his own by a pond in a shack he built on borrowed land and struggled to self promote himself. Well, I guess that’s kind of like so many moments in many of our lives. It’s why I kind of like the guy enough to have him tattooed on my leg I suppose.
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”Henry David Thoreau
Then, as if it were not enough of a high-low-high weekend I got a group text from my straight buddies in Kentucky who are organizing a hiking trip to the Smokies in July. It’s been on my list of places I need to go since my dad told me his parents used to take him and his brothers there. I wish I could have seen that through some sort of magical replay. But I suppose I can imagine it. And better yet, I will soon be able to smell, taste, hear, see and feel the area first hand. And, while maybe 40 years in the future, form a link to these people who took me into their family as one of their own.
I think one of the things I am left with tonight is that life is a circle. The thing to do is to embrace it. Learn. Walk without fear. Take chances. Get hurt. Be open to change. Fail. Fail again. Laugh it off. Share everything you have.